How to Start Over (As An Adult)
Life is not linear. It will have you being thrown up and down and all around. Sometimes it feels like a fun adventure, and other times, it’s just plain nauseating.
Committing to your dream life may mean starting over at some point. There are a million reasons why you might need to start over—long-term illness, divorce, or a job loss in a rough economy—but starting over doesn’t mean you’ve failed at life. It means you’re growing in depth and character.
Starting over is not easy, so here are a few tips to help you start fresh, feel new, and never give up on your dreams (no matter how tempted you are to let yourself go). There’s always light at the end of the tunnel.
never give up
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1. Take things one day at a time
It can feel so overwhelming to look at the big picture. When facing your fears of starting over just focus on one small thing at a time. Whether that’s the next 5 minutes, one day, one hour, etc.
It’s a tool people use in AA and can be especially helpful if you’re prone to panic attacks. Panic attacks are a build up of triggers that snowball into massive emotion—but the same can be true for building positive emotions of self mastery.
One small moment of self-mastery will snowball into another moment and another and another—and before you know it you have some momentum going that will bring you to the next level.
Ask yourself: “What is something I can do right now that will improve my life that I have control over?”
Answer this question 3 times with 3 different answers.
Those answers are your starting point. Do those things and you will feel brighter and lighter about starting a piece of your life over again.
2. Don’t hate yourself for experiencing the journey
Comparison is the thief of joy. We often compare ourselves to others when we’re in a self-hating spiral.
How do you stop this spiral? Madonna.
No seriously, Madonna was homeless for a year of her life before she became famous. If Madonna can overcome homelessness and be a ray of light—think about where you could be when you choose to be brighter than the tough reality you may be facing right now. If she can do it, you can do it.
You know who else hit rock bottom and flew all the way up to the good life? Fergie. Yes, Fergalicious.
Life is only painful if you choose to stay stuck. So compare yourself to Madonna, Fergie, and anyone else who has a stellar story to tell and don’t get distraught because your old pal Jane got married to a billionaire last week in Malta and you feel like you failed in the venture-backed department of life and love. Your time will come if you stay committed to your higher power & ultimate life vision for your best life ever.
3. Destroy Distractions
Destroying distractions means setting boundaries with people in your life.
You are evolving and you do not have to allow your past behavior dictate your future behavior because people are used to you being available. You don’t have to be harsh with your new life decisions, but you do need to be firm (with yourself included).
For example, if you struggle with creative writing but it’s your ultimate life goal to be a novelist: Your significant other needs to take a night away from your home so you can focus on your writing.
If you struggle with consistency and spend too much time socializing rather than going after your dreams: Your party animal friend needs to connect with you over a common love of healthy pilates instead of 3-AM raves.
Anytime you’re tempted to get off-track, show yourself a visual cue of what your goal is and why you’re missing out on it.
An example would be having a post-it note on your work computer that says “WEDDING BODY” to remind yourself why you won’t be chowing down on unhealthy snacks in the office. Pick something real to you, meaningful to you, and don’t back down.
4. Never ever give up on your dreams
Starting over is absolutely not easy. Starting over often means you’ve left something significant behind or you’ve lost something that you consider to be a piece of yourself and without that you’re a mess. On the lowest of days (and yes, they happen for all of us), you’ll need to find a way to cope with your emotions.
So, what if you decided to look at it like this: You’re not starting over, you’re upgrading parts
Just like a home that feels old and stale, your life will require repair and renovation from time to time (and era to era). The home post-renovation is still the same home… just better, stronger, safer.
Instead of harboring over the void of gut wrenching renovations, fill your thoughts and mind with the upgrades you plan on making to your internal and external being. I’m not saying get a haircut and a bunch of plastic surgery, I’m just encouraging you to channel your pain into power with vision work.
That vision of who you are in your wildest dreams will help you stay strong on the days that you feel like giving up most.
Never let it go, and always dare to dream a bigger dream.
Set yourself up for success and remember: Even when the going gets rough, never give up.
Xoxox.
